Kanpeki

"I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don't already know, and make me laugh. I don't care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there (inside the head)."
Henry Rollins

Well, before he would end up busting his head off time and again to try uncover some weird way to find someone. All the romantic crap and eternal perfect movie-like meeting and details and all the scenes imagined. Creating patterns and projects, stupid ideas, just a way to cope with the day, and run away from reality.
He gave up a lot of things during his short time either strolling or marching into this world. He learned the hard way how "losing" is difficult, heavy, oppressive. 'Maybe losing your dream is the last step before losing your hope', he thought.
It would be nice to find someone like Mr. Rollins said (keeping the bloody-boot-biting sort-of-kinky fantasy). All he wants, actually, is someone that is able to help him dream again. And, yes, that is too much too ask - specially when you were playing the role of dream-burier, uncommitted and disrespectful villain.
He might be seeking dreams, because in some place in his head, that is where he will find forgiveness.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what kanpeki is all about. Perfect. Not free of defects. Free of self-loathing, self-pity and self-destruction tendencies. Free of himself.

You are only able to find love when you are ready to accept it.

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You give me the idea, I quote you in my post. Quid pro quo. Although you'll never read this text, we're even - probably owed you two.